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11 < I Parent Job Description From Jane DeWitt Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often, - chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings and week- ends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties als( required. RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeat- edly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three sec- onds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toi- lets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and orga- nize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete account- ability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitodal work through- out the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required.., unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a con- tinually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when . they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become finan- cially independent. When you die, you give them what- ever is left. BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reim- bursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job sup- plies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards dght. Legal Notice It is the policy of The Henry and Jane Vonderlieth Living Center - to admit and to treat all residents and employees with- out regard to race, color, or national origin. There is no distinction in eligibility for or in the manner of providing, any resident service provided by or through the Home. All facilities of Vonderlieth Living Center - are available without distinction to all residents, visitors, and employees regarding of race, color, or national origin. All persons and organi- zations that have occasion to either refer residents for admission or recommend Vonderlieth Living Center - are advised to do so without regard to race, color, or national origin. Reviewed and updated May 1, 2010. Jo Hilliard - Administrator Here is another illustration that was shared with me. See what you think. I was in my neighborhood res- taurant this morning and was seated behind a group of jubi- lant individuals celebrating the successful passing of the recent health care bill. I could not finish my breakfast. This is what ensued: They were a diverse group of several races and both sexes. I heard the young man exclaim, "Isn't Obama like Jesus Christ? I mean, after all, he is healing the sick." The young woman enthu- siastically proclaimed, "Yeah, and he does it for free. I cannot believe anyone Would think that a free market would work for health care. They are all crooks and thieves and don't deserve all of that money.." Another said, "The stupid Republicans want us all to starve to death so they can inherit all of the power. Obama should be made a Saint for what he did for those of us less fortunate." At this, I had had enough. I arose from my seat, mus- tering all the restraint I could find, and approached their table. "Please excuse me; mayI impose upon you for one moment?" They smiled and welcomed me to the conversation. ] stood at the end of their table smiled as best I could, and began an experi- ment. " "I would like to give one of you my house. It will cost you no. money and I will pay all of the expenses and taxes for as long.as you live there. Anyone interested?" They looked at each other in astonishment. "Why would you do something like that?" asked a young man, "There isn't anything for free in this world." They began to laugh at me, as they did not realize this man had just made my point. '.'I am serious, I will give you my house for free, no money what so ever.Anyone interested?" In woman asked, "What Jus' Thinkin' are the rules?" I smiled and said, "I don,t know. I have not yet defined them. However, it is a free home that I offer you." They giggled amongst themselves,theyoung- est of which said, "What an old coot. He must be crazy to give away his home. Go take your meds, old man." I smiled and leaned into the table a bit fur- ther. "I am serious, this is a legit- imate offer." They gaped at me for a moment. "I'll take it you old fool. Where are the keys?" boasted the youngest among them. "Then I presume you accept ALL of my terms then?" I asked. The elderly couple seemed amused and entertained as they watched from the privacy of their table. "Oh yeah! Where do I sign up?" I took a napkin and wrote, "I give this man my home, without the burden of financial obligation, so long as he accepts and abides by the terms that I shall set forth upon consummation of this transaction." I signed it and handed it to the young man who eagerly scratched out his signa- ture. "Where are the keys to my new house?" he asked in a mocking tone of voice. All eyes were upon us as I stepped back from the table, pulling the keys from pocket and dangling them before the excited new home- owner. "Now that we have entered ] into this binding contract, wit- ] nessed by all of your friends, I have decided upon the condi- tions you are obligated to adhere from this point forward. You may only live in the house for one hour a day. You will not use any- thing inside of the home. You will obey me without question or resistance. I expect complete loyaltyand admiration for this gift I bestow upon you. You will unison, a resounding "Yeah" fills- accept my commands and wishes the room. " " with enthusiasm, no matter the "Since "there are too many of you, I will have to make a choice as to who receives this money free bargain." I noticed an elderly couple was paying attention to the spectacle unfold-" ing before their eyes, the old man-shaking his head in appar- ent disgust. "I tell you what; I will give it to'the one of you most willing to obey. my rules." Again, they looked at one another, an expression "of bewilderment on their faces. The perky young nature. Your morals and princi- ples shall be as mine. You will Vote as I do, think as I do and do it with blind faith. These are my terms. Here are your keys." I reached the keys forward and the young man looked at me dumb founded. "Are you out of your mind? Who would ever agree to those ridiculous terms?" the young man appeared irritated. "You did when you signed this con- tract before reading it, under- Road District Treasurer's Annual Report Road Fund To the Highway Commissioner, AETNA TOWSHIP Road District Logan County, Illinois" I Alan Roos Treasurer ofAETNATOWNSHIP Road District, Logan County, Illinois, being duly sworn, depose and say that the following statement is a correct report for the fiscal year beginning April 1, 2009 and ending March 31, 2010. Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 $84.442.60 REVENUES - Property Tax $71,568.15; Replacement Tax $5,649.58; Interest Income $1,661.49;Logan CO. RD. DIST. $4,282.40; Miscellaneous Income & TOIRMA Dividend $1,190.07; Fire Dept. for Fuel $1,318.51 TOTAL REVENUES $85,670.20 EXPENDITURES - Salaries $3,333.71; Federal Tax Deposits $483.78; Utilities $3,833.68; Contractual Services $10,910.88; Rent $870.00; Fuel $6,196.50; Supplies & Exp. $4.493.83; Trayel & Meetings & Ins. $4.050.92; Fees & Dues & Office $1,419.00 TOTAL EXPENDITURES $34,722.30 Ending Balan:e March 31, 20:10 $135,390.50 The ending balance of this account includes CD-S in the amount of $110,000.00 Separate from this account is unemployment CD for $1,000.00 Construction of Bridges Fund Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 $28,152.50 REVENUES - Property Tax $533.70; Interest Income $573,82 TOTAL REVENUES $1,107.52 EXPENDITURES - -0- TOTAL EXPENDITURES -0- Ending Balance March 31, 2010 $29,260.02 The ending balance of this account includes CD-S in the amount of $24,000.00 Equipment & Building Fund Beginning Balance Apdl 1, 2009 $18,742.27 REVENUES - Property Tax $3,718.43; Interest Income $322.35 TOTAL REVENUES $4,040.78 EXPENDITURES - 4)- TOTAL EXPENDITURES - 0- Ending Balance March 31. 2010 $22,783.05 The ending balance of this account includes CD-S in the amount of $15,000.00 Social Security Fund Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 $6,831.71 REVENUES - Property Tax $98.62; Interest Income $44.63 TOTAL REVENUES $143.25 EXPENDITURES - Social Secudty $209.88 TOTAL EXPENDITURES $209.88 Ending Balance March 31, 2010 $6,765.08 standing it and with the full knowledge that I would provide my conditions only after you committed to the agreement." Was all I said. The elderly man chuckled as his wife tried to restrain him. I was looking at a now silenced and bewildered group of people. "I want no part of it" exclaimed the now infuriated young man. "You have commit- ted to the contract, as witnessed by all of your friends: you cannot get out of the deal unless I agree to it. I do not intend to let you free now that I have you ensnared. ! am the power you agreed to. I am the one you blindly and without thought chose to enslave yourself to. In short, I am your Master." At this, the table of cel- ebrating individuals became a unified group against the unfair- ness of the deal. After a few moments of unre- peatable comments and slurs, I revealed my true intent. "What I did to you is what this adminis- tration and congress did to you with the health care legislation. I easily suckered you in and then revealed the real cost of the bar- gain. Your folly was in the belief that you can have something you did not earn; that you are enti- tled to that which you did not earn; that you willingly allowed someone else to think for you. Your failure to research, study and inform yourself permitted reason to escape you. You have entered into a trap from which you cannot flee. Your onlychance of freedom is if your new Master gives it unto you. A freedom that is given can also be .taken away; therefore, it is not free- dom." With that, I tore up the napkin and placed it before the astonished young man. "This is the nature of your new health care legislation." I turned away to leave these few in thought and contem- plation and was surprised by applause. The elderly gentle- man, who was clearly enter- tained, shook my hand enthusi- astically and said, "Thank you Sir, these kids don,t understand Liberty these days." He refused to allow me to pay my bill as he said, "You earned this one, it is an honor to pickup the tab." I shook his hand in thanks, leaving the restaurant somewhat humbled, and sensing a glimmer of hope for my beloved country. Thomas Jefferson said, "To compel a man to subsidize with his taxes the propagation of ideas which he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical." I would thank him for stating it so well. I have to wonder, if we as the people of the United States, soberly "consider the cost" of getting what we think we want and are we fully educated and aware of what we gave up, to get it. It takes some thinkin, M. Tait With the. grasshopper problem out west, hopefully this is not a pretense of things of come in the Midwest. Steve Hahn Photo An American stood in London looking at a large building. A British boy valked by and stood beside the American. "You know, boy," said the American, "in the States we have that kind of building too, but they are four times h igher." =Really?" replied the boy. "How sad. That is a mental hospital." Suporvisor's Statement of Financial Affairs AETNA TOWN Fund I Alan Roos Supervisor of AETNA TOWNSHIP, Logan County, Illinois, being duly sworn, depose and say that the following statement is a correct report for the fiscal year begin- ning April 1, 2009 and ending March 31, 2010. Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 $55,087.65 REVENUES - Property Tax $50,187.70; Replacement Tax $2.831.58; Interest income $1,557:03; Rental Income $46.72; Insurance Refund $580.00; Pro-Tern From General Assistance $500.00 TOTAL REVENUES $55,703.03 EXPENDITURES - Salaries $29,441.89; Federal Tax Deposits $4,399.83; Illinois Department of Revenue $657.10; Publishing $223.53; Office & Postage $1,217.36; Meeting & Dues $1,269.23: Park Mowing $3,516.85; Town Clean-up $2,600.45; Insur- ance $6,250.78; Health Dept. $504.00: Misc. & Donations $2,167.81 TOTAL EXPENDITURES $52,248.83 Ending Balance March 31, 2010 $58,841.85 The ending balance of this account includes CD-S in the amount of $40,000.00. Sepa- rate from this account is an Insurance CD for $7,500.00 General Assistance Fund Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 $14,358.34 REVENUES - Property Tax $1,498.30; Interest Income $267.76 TOTAL REVENUES $1,766.06 EXPENDITURES -Home Relief $1,535.55; Insurance $585.00; Pro-Tern To Town Fund $500.00 TOTAL EXPENDITURES $2,620.50 Ending Balance March 31, 2010 $13,503,90 The ending balance of this accoum includes CD-S in the amount of $10,500.00 Social Security Fund Beginning Balance April 1, 2009 8 133.99 REVENUES - Property Tax $3,146.75; Interest Income $38.70 TOTAL R EVE N U ES $3,165.45 EXPENDITURES - Social Security $2,643.83 TOTAL EXPENDITURES $2,643.83 Ending Balance March 31. 2010 $8.675.61 The ending balance of this account includes CD-S in the amount of $5,000,00